🌸 Prowling 💌 fishieroll @gmail com
1 following787 posts1386 followers
🌸 Prowling 💌 fishieroll @gmail com
1 following787 posts1386 followers
I suck with expressing emotional gratitude- I am really, really bad at it. If my ability to show emotional gratitude were to be measured in movement, I would probably be the “robot dance”. In the last 2-3 days, I have tried speaking to my crush and he has snubbed me (Twice, yes there is a count and I’m keeping it ), I don’t know if this is called “playing hard to get” or he actually doesn’t realise that I’m crushing. @i_am_sayantan has been trying to push me- “That much effort is not enough, men are stupid with picking up hints!”. If I try and engage in one more conversation- I think I’m going to embarrass myself (Like those shameful Lays Packets! ). What do you do when someone responds with one word to your long sentences !? I’m trying to stay positive- but it’s not working. You are lucky if you have someone around you- who throws in a bear hug whenever you need it . It’s not a milestone, not a Grammy but it is something to hold onto to. Please cherish it (From the girl who can’t even get her crush to text back )
Went for a walk today (at the crack of dawn ), it was freezing, it felt like I was wearing a jacket stitched out of ice. Ok I’m exaggerating. But you get my point, it was chilly. We power walked to an old, run-down temple with a community of monkeys perched on trees (like the local mafia ). The breeze was nice, I wore my new socks and the morning dew was wonderful!
With winter speeding into my wardrobe- like the kid who just learnt how to ride a bike, I find myself living in this one shirt that sort of makes me feel at home. You know, when you pluck yourself from the familiar and slip into the discomfort of the unfamiliar- there are some things you clutch onto (I do ). I’m clutching on to this shirt b/c it still smells like the last time I wore it/ I’m clutching on my teal coloured book- the one I haven’t read a page of (Nor am I going to )- but I place it next to my pillow- to bring comfort and warmth. To introduce myself to new places, I sometimes dig my hands into my past and bring back my favourite things. Sometimes, falling in love needs a gateway.
The idea that you need to travel to Italy to have great pizza or France for croissants is actually balderdash- you can have great pizza right at your kitchen counter. It’s these ideas we chase- of something better (And that’s trouble ), of something different- that’s just all an idea! Traveling isn’t life changing, it’s the fact that you plucked yourself from a familiar to an unfamiliar spot (that’s life changing ). There is so much drama to moving around- gear, equipment, tents, boots and modern day compasses- it’s just unnecessary. You want to chase experience with all these material attached to your back? Pfffffft
“I am going to YouTube the technique of flying kites”
(I think ) it’s completely okay to act off the grid when you are crushing on someone. It happens to me once every never/ sometimes just for the sake of the evening to march forward- I have consciously faked interest and I’m sure the party across might have exercised the same gesture (We can accept we can be boring with people we do not connect grrrr )- I’m Garnier in a bottle, and not actually Bath & Body Works. So when that feeling sprouts- of a little potential romance- I definitely want to chase it. I’m ashamed of a lot things- just not ashamed of having feelings. That, is simple.
You strut along and return hello’s that significantly lack sensibility- but you do (Social protocol ). You also send out mindless “How Are Yous”/ Again, social protocol. I have been blessed to see this- to see someone staring at old walls and fill empty pages with rampant strokes. My insides filled- at the rate her page did. As I sat next to someone who couldn’t stop complaining (just like me, no is better )- we sighed and oohed. We stared, gaped and let ourselves wander, followed scents that led us to old run-down shops with carefully laid out stocks and prints that do not (should not ) go out of fashion (this fashion, that fashion- fancy terms ).
This is probably going to sound wrong, promise I will keep it short. You know, there are these times where you single handedly want to soak yourself in the sunset/ eat your fresh bread without a good morning/brush past someone you know without a round of small-talk/do freshly squeezed mango shots before your morning run. I will have to constitute my morning runs with yoga (will it teach me patience ) since I can’t find a gym in the next 50 or (100 ) kilometres.
The idea behind an idea.
I have bought a smartphone after 3 years- which means I’m now available on WhatsApp, Viber (all things that involve rampant texting ). How do you make it work, how do things fall into place? Actually, they don’t. More than often, I make it work for myself. And when it doesn’t, I sleep in a long sleeved biker shirt for 3 days straight. I am open to the idea that my dreams could be crushed- as easily as the elaichi before it is doused in the tea! When people in my social circuit were gifting themselves the latest gadgets, and grabbing swanky devices at the great Indian sale, I was buying tickets to hop on buses that stop at flea-infested dhabas and booking myself rooms (with cramped bathrooms ) that had zero amenities. This isn’t a lesson between luxury and down-trodden, it’s the choices you make for yourself. I knew I couldn’t have unfamiliarity and luxury served together like a tray of chicken wings with hot sauce- everything you choose might not necessarily bring you happiness, it can bring bumps (the current zit on my left cheek ). But, the choices are yours and how you make it work is your game-plan. You don’t need to make wise choices all the time, there’s a little fun in chalking off the dust on your knees too!
I don’t know why I decide to drink a ton of water right before hopping onto a bus- and then hunt for coins to wiggle myself into public bathrooms of all shapes, sizes and (varying ) hygiene standards 🙃
I have a cold (that makes me sound like a broken trumpet inside a whale )/ I have a checkered boxer which is (now ) full of my phlegm.
I call this honeymoon on a plate- Almond cake feat. Rose cream! If my honeymoon doesn’t kick this dessert’s sweet ass, I will spend my nuptials watching Joey eat Peanut Butter. I’m a modern feminist who wants to get married- I have also chosen the flavor of ice-cream I’m gonna drown myself in (Caramel Crunch ), during my divorce. Millennial, full planning.
All things pink (And black ) 🐳 💦
If you want to feel romance in a cup... brew it yourself 💦
As women, as people from my gender- are you constantly nagged by vigilant staring? Not the staring that makes you go “Phew, those 30 minutes of hair spa routine is paying off”/ I’m talking about the kind of staring that makes you feel like sitting under the shower straight- moments where you find yourself pulling your top up or un-crossing your legs because you were at the receiving end of a filthy stare (Tucking your shirt in, pulling your skirt down... !? ) I feel almost ashamed that these reflexes (not genuine, but conditional ) have become an impromptu reaction. What the fuck is happening with the world? If evolution is a process that escalates mankind from ape to human, why are minds not growing !? I’m sorry, Charles Darwin. I disagree with your theory of evolution.
Some things are measured by how well you do them, and some for how conveniently you fuck your shit up (currently ). Cinnamon and Cardamon coffee- check 🐒